Crescent moon post

Dear Diary...sigh....
Another weekend gone. I am still in waiting mode, unable to get my life back to normal. Not my hubby's fault. He is also gone, not living at home, part time husband, part time patient. The travel is long and arduous and plans are so hard to make.
Meetings with people I don't know and don't care about, no extra money and on and on. Where does it all end?
On the upside, Tarot classes are going well. I had forgotten how much I love cards. I gave the women five reasons for wanting to purchase cards. Love of Art was on the list. Recently, against my better judgement, because I have over 100 tarot decks, I bought another. It is the new Vampire deck. Why? Well I love Bram Stoker's dracula. The deck is based on his story. One of the court cards has Pamela Coleman Smith and anyone who knows Tarot knows her. She is a hero to modern readers. And, if not she should be. I am balancing the Tarot and the travel and of course, I am writing again because it is the only thing which keeps my mind in the present.

Accessing friendship as a great resource

It has been such a hectic week. Change always seems to make everything bigger, harder, more complex. I suppose fatigue does the same but at least with change there is hope.
This week has been spent thinking about the wonderful ways in which friends support us. I once had the greatest friend in the world. She has passed on to summerland, as I like to call the after life. She taught me the real meaning of friendship. Even in death she has managed to draw on her energies to connect people. I thank her for returning a former friend to me. She is one of the few who can share stories of days past.
I am thankful for the friends I have now who worry about me coping with the change. I have learned to accept their support and know that I don't have to be the one to provide help.
My beautiful clematis are on the bloom. Someone commented that the purple ones look like neon. They are so bright and shiny. I love clematis. It is a creeping plant which flowers endlessly in the summer. Dr. Edward Bach used it for one of his flower remedies for 'spacey children' not paying attention, and those out of sync with life. That would be me now. I will post pictures of my flowers next time. Today I am just taking it easy.

Evaluating the change

It is the beginning of a new month. Things are a little brighter. I guess that I am getting used to the running up and down or perhaps it is just better because I have today off and I can consider the past weeks a success.
My hubby has transitioned into rehab care in quite a lovely facility. Everyone is older. The rehab is part of a seniors home. When you are already a senior, the residents are your peers. If you are 20 and with a 35 year old, the differences are so marked. At 68 and 85, the difference is less marked. Therefore, you can see yourself in decline rather than recovering. It is important to not get caught up in seeing yourself in this vision of aged and debilitated. It impedes recovery.
Last night I saw an elderly man freewheeling himself,( pushing himself with his feet in a wheel chair) hugging two teddy bears to his chest. He asked me if I was lost. I was. I got off on the wrong floor. I could eventually right myself. He never will.
There has been a lot of time for reflection, not in the way I am used to but in a life altering way. I wasn't ready for that a month ago. Now I am.

Regaining ground

When you have been off your feet for awhile, it is hard to get back up and move on. I am watching my hubby take those very small steps that will get him back. A move today from one room and floor to another will be a setback. surroundings are hugely important in feeling like you are making progress. When you are moved from a nice room with good care to one less well cared for and staff who don't approach their job with a feeling of self worth then it impacts the sense of well being for their patients.
My goal will be to get him out of there as quickly as possible. Depression is a big part of delaying the healing process. Since he suffers from these overwhelming bouts of sadness from time to time, I will have to watch him carefully.
Thankful for the writing which continues to help me to cope.

Coping with a major change in circumstance.

Tired, tired, tired.
Is there any hope for pain relief in the shoulder?
Well lots of folks have called offering to help. I am accepting all resources. Sleep is a good thing. I can't believe I am even too tired to write....but I am. Hubby is better but still in a lot of pain.
Hmmm....a new element on the periodic table. How about that. Watch Rachel Maddow...she is brilliant.

A Long Day!

It has been a long day. Funny how you miss someone most when you start to do the little things. All the chores that my hubby would be doing are now done by me. the beautiful orchids finally blooming in the living room and lovely because he takes care of them. the cat pan needs attention. It's sunday! The house needs to be cleaned. Who will cook dinner for me? that would be the least of my worries for the day. I can get Mr. Chow, Col Saunders, Mario, Crabby Joe to provide the meal but I will miss the uniquely Jamaican flavour.
Hard to write, to focus to do anything. Just step by step.....He's doing better. He was up today, walking a little. Well, he is disciplined and motivated. I hope he will be able to cope and get over the shock. That will be the hard part.
Got to get back to my writing.

Ok...what a week! My shoulder feels like something constantly in a wringer. It hurts in a very strange way. The pain of May, which was acute and biting, has been replaced by a nerve pain, twisting turning and pulling inside my shoulder. Obviously a nerve ending having a good time in there.
It is similar to what I had when cancer surgery held me years ago. Why am I reliving this now? What is the lesson needed. Maybe none, but truth is that I simply need to rest more.
I am writing here too about my husband who was injured in a car crash this past week. My shoulder pain is nothing compared to the acute agony which he is suffering but still I must bear mine just as he must bear and overcome his own. Rehab sits on his horizon and it may be long and trying but he is a determined man.
I added a new chapter to my story. In response from my readers, they like the character who is a wonderful delightful catalyst to move the story forward. So between the writing and visiting my time will be full...what to give up? Dunno...