Signs and omens

I do seem to spend more time writing than reading. I think I even spend more time buying books than actually sitting down to read, something which is troublesome but mostly due to work restrictions. Even if I only scan a book quickly, what is important is the message. I scanned a book about signs and omens. It would have been one of those that would have been lovely to read. I get its message. Really, just pay attention to things which happen in a day. There is always something to be gleaned from it, or something which will have importance.
Today, on one of my shortened forays into the big city, I did my usual round of hairdresser, dentist, shopping and just idly noting all the changes in my old neighbourhood. Towards the end of the day, when I dropped of my hubby for a long overdue haircut and I went to the Occult shop to browse for the 15 minutes it would take to trim his hair. By the end of the day, four things which hold some significance melded together in a message I need to assess.
In a newspaper my husband picked up earlier there was a story about the great Ethiopian runner Abebe Bikila, my olympic hero. It was the anniversary of his olympic win. Imagine 50 years celebrated on September 10. How lovely to see this honour for him. Kip Keino would be my other hero. Their courage and stories were so inspirational to me as a young girl.
The Occult shop had an interesting book called Hekate Soteiro. It was expensive. I was told by the sales girl that it was Sarah Iles Johnston's PhD paper. I had to buy it. Hecate is my current hero. Although not new, I noticed for the first time, the Crow's Magick tarot deck. My book, The Will to be True/In the Shadow of the Blackbird depends heavily on the myths of the Blackbird, raven or crow in part two. An image of the crow sits on it cover. Finally, I have wanted to be a JP for a long time. I applied before and was not successful but they are looking for candidates again and I will try again.
Four signs/omens - things generally important or special to me. Where this is going I don't know. Lately, I feel change, a need to retire from nursing and move into something else. Maybe this is the time to make change.

Studying the circumstances

We are now well past the bloom of summer. My lovely clematis are struggling to still put out the occasional bloom and today I found new branches on my lavender. How nice to see even a dying plant struggling for the last gasp of warmth to remind us how beautiful it was and will be again.
Feeling much better about the future. My husband's recovering in a way which has been challenging but we are working towards a future which now seems permanent, where as before there was nothing to build on. Nothing is final yet. He still has a long way to go but it is one step at a time.

Publishing my book, The Will to be True/In the Shadow of the Blackbird and finally getting it on the shelf and hopefully selling has been a revelation. I am no longer excited. I am determined! The most exciting part was picking the cover and seeing the first hardcopy. Selling it is definitely not my strong point. I hope people will be kind and buy it. Just like my husband's progress, sales will be slow and require that I put in more effort than the writing but I am liking this.
Gee, it feels like giving birth to a baby and wanting to tell everyone its the most beautiful ever. We need someone else to do that without looking foolish. So I thank those who buy my 'baby' and tell me its beautiful. It warms my heart, as it should and makes me want to make another one. Fortunately, unlike caring for real babies which is my life's work, there will be no sleepless nights and I would be doing something I really enjoy in this fall season of my life.

ON THE HOME STRETCH

When paul McCartney sang of the long and winding road, he knew. Even still, I consider this journey of mine and my husband' to have been fairly short in the scheme of things but long just the same. It is a winding road which right now seems to have landed right back where we started just over a year ago. Even if we are on the same summit I hope the way we move from here will have a different outcome.
The surgery to replace his hip was over 4 hours long. He was home in 4 days, weakened but the experience and not yet seeing a walking light at the end of the tunnel. We are back to wheel chairs and walkers again. He is just reliving trauma but I see definite hope for the future. His pain in combination with his experience last year is disheartening. I am seeing it differently and while I cannot now tell him that his pain is 'better', he is in a kinder gentler place and I have hope.

Moving forward

I don't want to die now but I wonder sometimes if I did, how would any find all the bits and pieces of my life and how would they ever be able to pull it all together. Blogs, twitters and tweets, my spaces, and facebooks. I hope somewhere along the line to inspire someone in my own way.
What's it all for? My favourite time is still just sitting and writing stories and loving it. While I am driving my car along roads lined with verdant fields, chapters of books just form in my head and run away with me. If I can't sit and write when I get home I feel stuffed with the words and ideas. I have to put it down on paper before it stifles me. I can't move on until its on paper. I can't hold one idea while I gestate another. Odd for someone used to multitasking.
I have rediscovered Martin Page again, and found his latest album. His face and music have helped me to write and develop another story for fanfiction. What a beautiful magic carpet is music....the rides we travel on that carpet are wonderful. I have also rediscovered Ana Belen and her wonderful interpretation of Lorca's poetry. So much to inspire and so little time to absorb it all.

Busy time

Well, publicity for the book is quite the event. I have 7 or 8 places to write and share information about my book and also connect with others who are avid readers, writers, or just lovers of prose.
On the social front, my beloved clematis are the most beautiful I have ever seen. This year the red ones came up first in massive bloom, overshadowing everything in the small garden space. I am not a gardener but i do love to see at least one or two types of flowers in abundance. Clematis is the most heartening to me. When my mother died, I took the Bach Flower remedy clematis to help with my grief. I must have an affinity for the flower essence. Even though I still grieve, I felt the lessening of my heart tension within days. I was actually able to view her loss, with love for her life, and struggles at the end. I will always love clematis and perhaps when I retire and have time to keep a real garden, it will be as full of those flowers as anything else.
In the meantime, for those who have read about my husband, he will be facing fix-it surgery, next month, I hope. It has been a long and tough year of recovery to even 45% of where he was. Let's hope the surgery will improve things a bit more. We'll see and will keep you posted here.

Found at last!

One of the most important things for me is to have a visualization of my characters when I am writing. I mean, they are in my head but being able to put a face up on screen is almost impossible. Nothing ever matches one's personal internal view. For years, I have looked at photos of red headed women, trying to find my ideal Stephanie and my ideal Georgette. The men were pretty easy to organize.
In this past week I have found both women. Shocking when I realize that I probably looked at three thousand photos or more. I can now scan a page of 75 in seconds. Kristin Kreuk is the Georgette of my fantasies. She just seemed to fit the part. I saw a photo, one in which her Chinese heritage isnt so obvious. Didn't know who she was. I only watch news and cable TV. Well I saw her face and knew this was the ideal image. Unlike fotosearch which has thousands of nameless photos, there was a name attached to this one which I found on a hair blog. When I googled her and looked at more pictures and read her biography, I was hooked. She is a little shorter than the woman in my story but that matters less and less.
I was so happy? Yes! because someday I hope to see this story of mine on screen, whether big or small and I am already looking for my cast. How's that for dreaming?
My delightful Vasily Stephanov continues to be the dream man of my Beauty and the Beast stories www.fanfiction.net . What a perfect match he was! Now I just need to find and/or identify my heroine Stephanie. If you know any tall exciting titian redheads, send a photo. BTW I have already been to the redhead goddess forum.
V24

Wedding Season

It is getting closer to the wedding season.  I have already done two this year so far but the sad thing is that there is only one more booked.  I love doing weddings.  It is a fun occasion and although I don't get to stay and party with the couple, just the set up, the ceremony of it, the fun for everyone and the moment when the bride shines coming down the aisle are really worth it.  Funny but when I got married it wasn't as important to have all the trimmings.  We didn't have a house.  We didn't have lots of money but we did have love and a desire to make a life together and we did.  Working for those things as partners made life tough but overcoming the obstacles made us stronger.  As I see couples set out on their journey I wish them the same ups and downs but also the courage to make their partnership stronger every day.

technology

Today I am blogging from the real crossroads of technology. Kids do it all the time. What about the older generation? Well, I guess we'll see!

ppptwamjm

Getting Published

Big deal...make sure that all the spelling is correct. You really need to get someone else to read it. I didn't realize how many times I can go over the same mistake because my eyes see one thing and my head sees another. Oh Well! A redo is in order. I can do it. Waaahhhhhhh!

Getting published

I am excited. It is fun to blog and to write and do lots of things but to see my story finally in print, with a cover that has my name on it is strangely exhilerating. Maybe a publisher wouldn't have wanted to take it on. Who knows. I guess we can't live in maybes forever. Time to step out of the maybe shadow and move into the light of cando. So taking matters into my own hands requires some courage. Why do I have a shortage of that. Married how many years? raised kids, held numerous jobs in so many places, always challenging myself to do better and know more and teach more?
Why the big deal? Well stories contain so much of myself. You have to be prepared to bare your soul both overtly and tacitly. Kind of scary because the feed back feels like a personal affront if it is negative and too good to be true if it is positive. This isn't the way to approach things in life. So yeah, the book is at the publishers and yes I will plug it and give it a space of its own on my web site and hope for sales and good comments but take the negatives as well and let the next story be better. I have found the courage to be where I want to be.

The Will to be True

All the stories I write are a compilation of the numerous events I have heard in a lifetime of interaction with people from all over the world. I thank them for sharing their stories with me. I am deeply grateful to them for trusting me with their confidences and I hope their struggle is heard in the words. I thank my eternal muse for giving me the steadfastness to complete what I start, something I have not done consistently. I am moved to write from the heart by the music I listen to every day. This story, particularly part two, was inspired by two songs written by Jane Sibbery and ably performed by k.d. lang. 'The Valley' and 'Love is Everything' and of course the main title was motivated by a Hank Loughlin favourite from years ago- Please Help Me I'm Falling. I always wanted to write a story that would explain how we would find ourselves pleading for the will to be true.